Ever have one of those days, weeks, even month(s) where shit gets frustrating? That’s been me for the past month. Like I stated in my “about me” blog got dumped 6 months ago. Now before you think oh boohoo get over it everybody goes through a break up..you’re right! That little tid bit is just information to tie in what I am about to tell you. Anyways! Like I was saying, got dumped and I lost myself, values, life purposes, and happiness toward the end of the relationship. So getting dumped was a huge *trump voice* favor to me. In all honesty was a favor to both of us in the fact that I think we both need(ed) some soul searching, which brings me to the point of this!
The last six months I have been on this self-discovery journey and putting myself outside my comfort zone. I mean college is the best time to do this right?! As months have gone on I have become a better person, happier person. But..I’m not gonna lie guys, I’ve been strugglin’. Naturally I put a lot of pressure on myself (as most people do) and sometimes I forget it’s okay to not be perfect first try. I have been beating myself up over how shitty certain training sessions have gone and I so badly want to be the best I forget I have to struggle, learn, and be a newbie before figuring everything out. Life is about experiences and learning from them. Truthfully I think I just feel this need to be perfect and I think that has a lot to do with the person I dated..I felt like if I wasn’t perfect or on my “A game” I was looked down on and being perfect is not humanly possible. I know I am freshly in this self journey of mine and it’s going to be a bumpy ride but I have to find gratitude through it all. Sometimes you just gotta write what is on your mind and it wasn’t until tonight something just clicked and I was like “huh, no wonder things have sucked lately..I’ve been mentally approaching everything wrong”. Another thing too, environment is everything and someone who has been helping me told me this tonight. So a change of mindset and environment is something I need to reevaluate. Something just really hit me tonight and sometimes having someone being honest with you without knowing much makes the most impact. So yea life can get uncomfortable and it can aggravating and disappointing but I have already overcome so much why let the feeling of giving up take over now? Kick that feeling in the dick and watch it cry (too much? probably).
My purpose for sharing this isn’t for a pity party but as a way to express myself and maybe have some of my thoughts help others or be relatable.